21 April 2009

Giving Up on Going Down

Remember my earlier post and how I spent the entire day thinking about sex while trying to study. Well it happened again and this time it started as soon as I got to work. Lana later experienced ovarian blues and I apologized profusely. But what can I do? It seems now a days, she keeps being part of a bargain she has no gain in. One of which we both don’t win.

You can take this as a rant or whatever, but I’m taking back my gift. My close friends had been right, I am extremely generous and for what? For nothing I tell you. I’m referring to the gift of giving succulent mind numbing oral. I know it is a bit skanky on my part, but it’s something I enjoy doing on the right person. It gives me a weird satisfaction of knowing I can make you scream my name and leave you shaken and out of breath. In fact I get so into it turns me on because I’m expecting the same in return. Instead the guy either falls asleep like a baby from exhaustion or wants to have sex. What’s the problem you say? The problem is the fact that in the end I have yet to climax like you motherfucker. And there I am left alone still pining for more sex. The past two years have been like an inescapable nightmare.

At first I thought maybe I just have a hard time getting off but after countless bathroom conversations with random drunken ladies and reading numerous scholarly articles it seems to be more of a global problem. It seems to me that most guys that don’t know how to get a lady off, and don’t bother learning. For starters, fore play is so necessary to get things going because if you look at the facts it generally takes longer for a woman to reach that orgasmic bliss that makes sex worth it. Penetration can only take you so far, and I meant that literally because it takes one person where they want to go and that is the dude. Ladies need that clitoral stimulation, or at least a vibrating cock ring.

What’s more of a global problem is the fact that men are receiving without giving. So I say you join me in this protest and don’t give until you receive! Now these sexual conversations always tend to make an appearance at small gatherings, or are of topic amongst my male peers and it seems they avoid it because they don’t like fish. Seems to me they’ve had a bad experience or have yet to get an acquired taste. Let’s not forget that spunk doesn’t taste like a bowl of cold stone birthday cake concoction either.

I can’t speak on behalf of how other ladies tend to themselves, but I can and will speak for myself. I am low or no maintenance to hang with and expect the same from my friends and crushes, but when it comes to my body I am on top of my game. Brazilian waxes, kiegels, cute underwear, showering, exercise, healthy eating, and doctor visits to give me the satisfaction of knowing I’m clean. True some of these things I picked up from having to dress in front of strangers at runway shows and swimsuit gigs, but it only made me more aware of myself and damn baby I look and smell good! So why would “he” missed out on such an opportunity to make me red. I mean there is a reason why my daily uniform consists of skirts and dresses.

As I wrote this on the train a fellow lady lurker sitting next to me agreed. Sort of creepy, but it proves my point of how we are not receiving equal treatment. For that reason I will no longer use my DSL to head downtown if I don’t get it first. I’m pretty sure I can go a long time with no problems.

Another qualm I do have but I’ll give some slack for are those guys who do go down, and fail so miserably. A for effort, but F for sucking badly. It’s called eating out for a reason, so baby get a lil’ dirty and bon apetit. That’s all I have to say about that.

I don’t want to fall in love with you; I just want some good satisfaction. And then maybe I’ll fall in love with you.

So for those of you guys who want to do something right for the world I urge you all to start practicing, or read up on this. There is so much information you all severely lack, excluding Canada.

If you want us to go down in the darkness of a cheap movie theater, you got to realize that if we proceed to place our bare knees on sticky popcorn littered theater floor we do expect something in return.

And please MAN UP.

“Call before you come, I need to shave my chocha, go downtown, eat it like a vulture”. –Missy Elliot

Please note: Sex and the Cyber City are on vacation temporarily.


  1. well, i suppose i've been blessed with men who are very willing to go downtown. i mean, a lot of guys are either (a) intimidated because of posts such as these or (b) grossed out by the vagina. i think B is an extremely plausible excuse for not going downtown because i, too, think the vagina's moisture is far nastier than the penis' dry surface, which is why i can't see myself becoming a lesbian. plus, i've heard a couple of disgusting stories from men about the vagina tasting like (a) cheese (which might not be terrible), (b) rotten meat (gag), or (c) fish (*throws up*). anyway, good luck with getting head <3.

  2. LMAO!!!

    I too was once blessed. I remember having to push heads away from my Lana and wanting to run away. Do not take your head for granted. I did and now I get a poor excuse for a lick.

    There would be no intimidation if they practiced more. ;)

  3. lmao oh be jesus!! i think your problems will be solved once you start maneuvering the head downwards....VVV


    guys cannot resist a woman who takes charge and demands pleasure!! believe it or not, men DO want to please women! they just need a little direction ;-)

    personally, i believe a vagina can be a very clean place if taken care of.

    so good look with ur mission, hopefully u teach a lot of boys how to become men!! =D

  4. But we are forgetting that after they get down, they don't know what the hell they are doing. Sometimes causing bad pain in the process.

  5. Three words: Wash. Your. Vagina.

  6. LMFAO!!!! arvind u shattah! u clean yo beard shannnnn!!!

  7. GOD. i agree with you completely! i only knew ONE guy out of the good amount that i slept with who knew how to get me off right when he ate me out. when it came to all the other guys they wouldnt even TRY. i mean come ON! do you really expect me to get you off and just sit there wet and wonder what the fuck i'm going to do with myself because you're fast asleep or can't move? haha, i know that the next time any guy asks me to do that for him i will be giving him an ultimatum eat me out GOOD or you're sleeping outside! thanks for this blog post, i enjoyed it ;)