02 April 2009

Sex and the Cyber City: The Date Update--Nunca Mas.

As promised, I have the story of my very first internet-based date. It was all that and a bag of chips--stale, disgusting, 25 cent chips that left the taste of vomit in my mouth.

So I met "Corey" inside of Penn Station. He called my cellphone and said he was walking towards me. I got excited since the guy that was walking towards me was tall and very good looking. You should have seen my face when that guy walked right past me, and I was left staring at my real date. He was around my height, plain, and a bit chubby with man boobs. I was quickly thinking of excuses that would ensure a quick getaway.

I couldn't do it. He seemed so genuinely excited about finally meeting me, so I had to go with plan B. I had to get drunk to somewhat enjoy this and not care about being seen with him. Lucky for me it was St. Patty's day, so getting drunk was not difficult. I also wanted him to realize that I was a party girl. For some reason, if you tell a guy you like to go out, dance, and party, they seem to lose all interest. That failed miserably.

So off we went to the place most likely to be able to have a full on conversation: an Irish Pub in Midtown. He couldn't hang and started to whine that we wouldn't be able to chat (duh!), so we left to another Irish Pub around the corner, where I made the b-line straight to the bar and ordered myself an Irish car bomb. We had a chat, and he is way too into zombies and anime for my liking. I wish I wasn't so drunk I would delightfully tell you about his horror flick based on how trees come alive and eat people. Sorry, I have boozed brain. He reminded me way too much of my brother. He doesn't enjoy going out that much, doesn't find enjoyment in dancing to good DJs. That's when I brought out the stories that revolved around me doing drugs in public and going out nearly every night. He brought up the fact that he likes to smoke a doobie every so often and chill at his dorm, and that we have to smoke together when I come to visit him. When he mentioned that I had to quickly claim that I can no longer smoke.

Thankfully, I had an English class which needed attending, so I left. He asked me to skip it to have a late lunch with him, but I politely declined and stumbled my way to Hunter. I have slowly cut off communication with him and realized I do have higher standards for myself. "Matches.com," you have failed me, and I will never use your services ever again.