20 January 2009

Sex and the Cyber City: Is It Possible to be a Cyber Hoe?

After a week of being on "matches.com", I have been viewed 517 times. I have also concluded that this site has given me a huge ego. So huge that I am at times tempted to send people one of the many rejection e-mails "matches.com" has pre-made in case someone loses their voice. But, I don't. I'm scared the rejectee may have not lost their voice.

"Thanks for writing to me, but unfortunately, we're just not a good match. Good luck in your search."
Now instead of having one match, I have 26. Such a slut, I know. It's good, though. If I do decide to meet them in person I will always have another person to meet in case the previous guy somehow altered his online profile photo. That may happen soon. Guys are already giving me their e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and aim screen-names.

From: jimmy31266 (jimmy31266@talkmatch.com)
To: iluvfilms (iluvfilms@talkmatch.com)
Date received: January 8, 2009
Subject: hi
hi how are you i know i am out of yuor age range that you were looking for buti would really like to talk with you i hope to hear from you contact me at hunter6006 @yahoo.com i will except you on yahoo im jimmy

42-year-old manOld Bridge, NJ, US
Seeks women 18-40
Active within 24 hours

I honestly don't know what to do. I'm running out of excuses. It's not like I don't want to meet them. Some of my regulars have caught my attention and we clicked via e-mail (the one provided by "matches.com" of course). I'm just scared. What happens if his profile was fake, or he's dumb, or worse of all he has really bad B.O. and stinky breath?! I can't just run away from the guy in the street. He might call out, "Hey Gisel from 'Matches.com,' where are you going?!"

That would be embarrassing, even if they don't know my real name. Because of that non-irrational fear I have yet to give guys my cell number or actual e-mail. But one guy did manage to find me on Facebook (Out of all places, it had to be Facebook). Apparently, we met at a bar--at least that's what he told me via e-mail. I didn't believe him until I cleaned out my desk drawer and found his business card and matched it against his "matches.com" e-mail and Facebook e-mail. Maybe I don't have tolerance for alcohol. I apologize.

Some guys are also asking me for this blog address. That of course will never go down. The "hoochie hoax" would be no more.

My conclusion: I should stop whining and man up. I should meet the few guys I did manage to impress (actually, they've impressed me). And see once and for all if dating online is plausible for the young hipsters, like my friends... I am no hipster. I can also get free drinks in the process. So tonight I give out the number, right before t-mobile disconnects my service.

What about the guy I spoke to before at the beginning of this process?

He mentioned his ex-girlfriend, so we are so over.

-Aileen Awesome


  1. Now I'm considering this shit. Except I would probably have to buy the drinks for her. Damn these gender standards! Tell us how it goes. And think about bringing a friend if you don't feel completely comfortable with doing this solo.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! HOOCHIE HOAX!! im gonna do that shit too i need SOME!~

  3. I've searched and the girls on this site are wayyyyyyyyyy better than the guys. So, think hard about it!

  4. Considering the plethora of classified websites like Match.com there are for that are solely for casual romantic encounters, I'd say cyber hoes are alive and well. I don't think I could ever find love via the internet, but seeing as how times change, I might be biting my tongue.