15 March 2009

Sex and the Cyber City: Addictions Become More Apparent After Witnessing PDA

So I honestly thought the series would end when I refused to pay, hence my last post. But as I was canceling my subscription to "Matches.com," curiosity got the better of me. I looked through the guys who winked at me, and I found an exception: an extremely handsome looking man living in Brooklyn. Where was he two months ago?! As I was going to resubscribe with my mom's credit info (I swear I'll pay her back) the light bulb went off in my little head. (Well, I actually have a lollipop head, but that's besides the point.) I decided to give "E-expenso" a try. I mean if I'm going to be bad, might as well indulge. It's like if you're going to break the law and do drugs, skip the weak shit like marijuana and go straight for the yayo.

I joined "E-expenso" last night and spent a good two hours looking through an assortment of white boys with green eyes. "E-expenso" was right on the money with my aesthetic wants, although there were a few chubs and picture-less profiles*. I could deal though.

Clicking through the list with 72 potentials, I sorted them into three piles. Out of the 72, 17 went into my "interested" pile, 15 went into my "maybe", and the rest were rejected with my reply being "I'm currently taking a break from dating". Obviously, that's a lie. Sorry. I'm not vain, but for the amount of money that my mom is "lending" me, I have to be selective and on point.

After selecting the chosen few I then proceeded to go through what "E-expenso" calls guided communication, which consists of sending each other five questions and then answering them, sending each other our likes and dislikes in a partner, sending each other three final questions, reading a message from Dr. Warren (no idea who he is), and finally having open communication with each other.

So far, I've submitted five questions for the chosen:

1. If you were taken by your date to a party where you knew no one, how would you respond?
a. stay close to my date, letting her introduce me
b. find a spot at the back bar and relax alone, letting her work the room
c. strike out on my room, introducing myself and even making friends
d. I would ask my partner if I could skip out on this particular event

2. Where do you see yourself living in 15 years?
a. a nice apartment in the city
b. a nice house in the suburbs
c. a house in a small town
d. a house in the country

3.Your idea of adventure is:
a. whitewater rafting
b. karaoke singing
c. trying a different route to work
d. ordering a dish you've never tried before

4. Would you rather date someone who is:
a. very busy, with a sometimes chaotic schedule, who books times with you in advance
b. busy, with a structured schedule, you know what days the person will be available for fun
c. slightly busy, who works during the day and is available most nights
d. not busy and has lots of free time

5. Do you consider yourself an ambitious person?
a. by definition I am very ambitious
b. I have clear goals and sometimes consider myself ambitious
c. I am pursuing some life goals, but do not consider myself to be very ambitious
d. I consider myself quite content as is

And now I wait patiently for their answers.

- Aileen Awesome

*Please note: If you do not have your picture up on a dating website, or any peer to peer website for that matter, you're chances are extremely slim of getting picked for a cyber date. The selector will be brutal and never choose you. We assume that there is something to hide and, based on my experiences, when you hide yourself from the public it can only mean three things: a) you're fat, b) you're ugly, or c) you're both fat and ugly. So please, if you got nothing to hide be proud to show what you're momma gave ya. Once again, I'm not vain. I'm just realistic baby.

P.S. The only date that I've managed to secure from "Matches.com" is taking me out on a date. And no, I won't put out, but I will give you an honest update.

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